


White Lilies

by Hear_the_Dokidoki



Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alternate Universe - Royalty, Angst, Beta/Omega, Character Study, Dialogue Heavy, Growing Up Together, M/M, Mating Cycles/In Heat, i love the omegaverse with my whole heart
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-24
Updated: 2018-12-24
Packaged: 2019-09-26 01:22:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,577
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17132345
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hear_the_Dokidoki/pseuds/Hear_the_Dokidoki
Summary: “Can you even breathe?” someone asked.“Good evening, Doyoung-hyung,” he replied without turning. “And yes, I can.”“You’ll have a lifetime to wear corsets and all those things,” the beta let out, settling down besides him. “Must you start at such a young age?”“Corsets are beautiful,” Sicheng retorted with a shrug.A pause.“I suppose you could say that.”Sicheng‘s eyelids fluttered. “You don’t think it suits me?”“It looks nice,” Doyoung said gently. “But that isn’t exactly my point.”





	White Lilies

**Author's Note:**

> ➸ The numbers indicate Sicheng's age! Also, the age gaps between the characters follow the irl ones.
> 
> ➸ Taeyong works in the kitchens and Jungwoo has silver hair heheh.
> 
> ➸ I hope you'll enjoy the story!! ♡  
>  
> 
> _Et si je connais, moi, une fleur unique au monde, qui n’existe nulle part, sauf sur ma planète..._

**A bouquet of lilacs**

**11**

Just as Sicheng lost balance, a force held him up.   

“Careful,” a voice scolded.

“Thank you,” he breathed, and his heartbeat was ringing in his ears.

“You shouldn’t be climbing on bookshelves like that,” the other continued as he carefully pushed Sicheng back on his feet. “You could hurt yourself.”

The boy looked up from the ground for a split second.

“I’m sorry, Beta,” he murmured.

A pause.

“I didn’t mean because you’re an omega,” the other said.

“...oh.”

“Why is a kid all alone in the palace’s library this early in the morning?”

Sicheng fidgeted with his sleeves, trying to find an answer that wouldn’t get him into trouble.

“I’m simply asking,” the beta said, noticing Sicheng’s discomfort. “I’m not here to discipline you.”

“I’m sorry,” Sicheng repeated quietly.

The other turned his head to study the mess Sicheng had made. He noticed an image book spread on a small table by their side.

“Are you…” he began softly. “Are you here for the books?”

Sicheng hesitated before nodding.

“How strange,” the beta commented, something shifting in his voice.

Sicheng glanced up.

“What’s your name?” the beta asked.

A hesitation.

“Dong Sicheng.”

“I’m Doyoung,” the beta told him. “Which book were you trying to reach?”

“I-it’s alright... I don’t need it.”

Doyoung cocked his head. “Books are made to be read.”

Sicheng’s lips parted, but he couldn’t formulate a proper reply.

Doyoung chuckled. “Just tell me, I’ll get it for you!”

Silently, arms plastered to his chest, Sicheng pointed at a thick spine ornated with silver letters.

“Good choice,” Doyoung declared. “Wait a second, I need the ladder.”

The omega chewed on the inside of his cheeks, dumbfounded. His were darting around, a part of his mind always on the lookout.

“So, you enjoy reading?” Doyoung’s voice questioned from afar.

Sicheng clenched his teeth. He knew it wasn’t proper for an omega to dedicate their time to such an activity.

“Do you?” Doyoung insisted, his head appearing behind the furniture.

Sicheng couldn’t lie, but he couldn’t answer either, so he remained silent.

“I think that’s wonderful,” the beta said when he came back.

Sicheng glanced up and forgot to look away. “You do?”

A wide smile. “Of course.”

 

⋅◈⋅

Sicheng brought his hands up, observing his series of lines and dots through the golden sunlight. His sewing skills really left to be desired, he thought, biting down on his lip.

“Sicheng!” a butler called.

The boy stumbled up and ran to his window, leaning down to search for the origin of the voice.

“The Crown Prince and his brother want to play with you!” the butler informed him, hands cupped around his mouth. “They’re in the middle of some game in the Western Garden!”

“The alphas?” Sicheng asked.

“Taeil and Jaehyun!” the other replied.

Sicheng’s expression brightened. “Did they ask for anything?”

“Just your presence!”

“Okay!” Sicheng said. “Thank you for telling me.”

He jumped back onto the floor, lost in thoughts.

“I should bring refreshments, at least,” he mumbled to himself.

 

⋅◈⋅

**13**

It was only Sicheng’s second Spring Dance since he had arrived at the palace, but he was beyond excited for the event. It was like in the stories, the place where the young omega would fall in love with a handsome alpha, discovering affection and love and all the other good things in the world. When people started arriving, he was riveted in a seat in the Main Hall, his eyes sparkling as he watched beautiful gowns and mesmerizing colours dancing in the glow of the chandeliers.  

“Can you even breathe?” someone asked.

“Good evening, Doyoung-hyung,” he replied without turning. “And yes, I can.”

“You’ll have a lifetime to wear corsets and all those things,” the beta let out, settling down besides him. “Must you start at such a young age?”

“Corsets are beautiful,” Sicheng retorted with a shrug.

A pause.

“I suppose you could say that.”

Sicheng‘s eyelids fluttered. “You don’t think it suits me?”

“It looks nice,” Doyoung said gently. “But that isn’t exactly my point.”

“What’s your point, then?”

The beta gazed into his eyes before sighing.

“Nothing,” Doyoung said. “I’ll let you enjoy the night. I know you were looking forward to it.”

Sicheng didn’t push the matter further.

“Everything is so grandiose...”

The older boy nodded slowly, and Sicheng’s attention was caught by the glimmer an older omega’s veil.

At that moment, fingers appeared in Sicheng’s field of vision.

“May I have the first dance?” Taeil asked, smiling warmly.

The omega offered his hand. “It’d be an honour.”

“There’s dinner first,” Doyoung chimed in.

Taeil chuckled. “I’m aware, but Sichengie looks so stunning, I’m afraid someone will steal him from me.”

Sicheng looked away, a fuzzy feeling in his stomach.

“I’ll see you after dinner?” Taeil inquired, squeezing his hand.

A cheerful nod.

“Promise?” Taeil asked, peeking down to meet the omega’s eyes.

“Promise,” Sicheng let out.

As soon as the Crown Prince left, Doyoung cleared his throat loudly.

“What?” Sicheng muttered.

The beta was frowning. “You’re too young for this.”

“For what?”

“He’s courting you, Sicheng.”

The younger boy blinked. “I’m not even of age yet.”

“ _He_ is,” Doyoung pointed out.

“He’s just my friend.”

“He’s an alpha.”

“I know that.”

“You have to be careful around him,” Doyoung added. “Of how you act. Of what you say.”

“I’m being nice,” Sicheng shot back. “And he’s simply my friend,” he reiterated.

Doyoung looked unconvinced.

“Stop being like this,” the omega said, and there was an edge to his voice.

A long silence.

“Sorry,” Doyoung said. “You’re right, you should be enjoying the night.”

He did seem sorry, Sicheng thought. After a moment, he forced a smile.

“I’ll see you tomorrow for tutoring?” he asked Doyoung.

“As usual,” Doyoung said, knowing better than to keep arguing. “I’ll see you then.”

 

⋅◈⋅⋅◈⋅

**A Blooming Marigold**

**15**

Sicheng’s first heat wasn’t too painful. First heats rarely were.

Still, he was finally stepping into adulthood. Two days after, he received his first veil: it was of a translucent white and had a few pale gems sewed onto it. Colours appeared in its fabric under the right light, and Sicheng was completely fascinated with it.

 

⋅◈⋅

Sicheng was keeping Jaehyun company as the alpha worked out. Apparently, an omega’s presence could boost an alpha’s performance by tenfold.

“It kinda hides your face,” was the first thing Jaehyun said about his veil.

“That’s the whole point,” Sicheng replied, chuckling.

“Is it?” Jaehyun said with curiosity.

“It’s to preserve an omega’s beauty,” Sicheng told him. “Since it should be a gift to their Alpha.”

“Oh…” Jaehyun let out. “Does that mean I can never see your face again?”

“Well, I don’t have to wear it all the time,” he said.

“Can you take it off, then?”

“Do you want me to?” Sicheng asked, ready to comply.

“I… I don’t know, do you?”

Sicheng hesitated.

“Do you like it?” Jaehyun questioned.

“It’s pretty,” the omega said.

“That’s true.”

Sicheng smiled behind the thin layer of silk. “Do you mind if I keep it?”

“Whatever makes you happy.”

“Thank you,” the omega said.

“You know,” Jaehyun began with a grin. “Sometimes it just hits me how adorable you are.”

Sicheng nose scrunched up. “You should talk less and work out more,” he teased.

“And fierce,” the alpha gasped, putting a hand to his heart.

Sicheng laughed, and Jaehyun’s eyes turned into crescent moons.

 

⋅◈⋅

“You _really_ love that veil, don’t you?” Doyoung said.

Sicheng didn’t bother to answer, focussing instead on his arithmetic exercice.

“I barely remember your face without rocks blocking my view,” Doyoung mumbled.

“They’re white sapphires,” Sicheng snapped.

“Which are essentially fancy rocks.”

Sicheng took a deep breath.

“Can you just… explain?” Doyoung let out. “I remain confused as to why you won’t take the damned thing off even when you’re studying.”

“It’s symbolic, hyung,” Sicheng said. “Your grasp of history and theology is better than mine, I shouldn’t have to explain.”

“I know enough to be aware that it’s an obsolete tradition.”

“Well, I like the veil’s symbolism,” Sicheng said.

A pause.

“Weak argument,” Doyoung criticized.

Sicheng heaved a sigh. “A veil represents beauty… Purity.”

“Do you need a veil to be beautiful or pure?”

“ _It’s symbolism_ ,” Sicheng repeated, glaring at the beta.

“It doesn’t mean anything.”

“It does if you give it meaning.”

Silence.

“I can’t understand how your mind works,” Doyoung said, eyes narrow.

“Stop trying,” Sicheng said, gaze back on his books.

“You’re too fascinating for me to give up,” the beta retorted.

“Scholars speak in the strangest of ways,” Sicheng muttered.

A chuckle. “You say that as if you weren’t a scholar yourself.”

“Me?” Sicheng let out. “I’m not a scholar.”

Doyoung’s eyebrows darted up. “So what have we been doing for the past four years?”

“I… I’m just curious.”

“That’s the defining quality of any scholar.”

Sicheng frowned. “I’m an omega.”

“So?”

“What do you mean, ‘so?’. There’s no such thing as an omega scholar.”

Doyoung lips curled up. “That’s why you’re special.”

They stared at each other.

“Anyhow,” the beta began. “I thought we could study modern philosophy next week. I got my hands on that special volume from overseas I was telling you about!”

Sicheng didn’t reply.

“It’s not nice to let me be excited all alone,” Doyoung said with a pout.

“I’m happy that you’re happy.”

“That sounds like a lie.”

Sicheng searched for the right words. “I don’t like when you question my beliefs. That’s all.”

Doyoung’s face fell. “I do it because I care for you.”

“I know that,” the omega replied. “It doesn’t mean that I want you to patronize me as if I was some indoctrinated conservative.”

“I don’t think that of you.”

“I seems like it, at times.”

“It’s not what I mean,” Doyoung said. “I’m sorry.”

A deep breath. “Okay.”

“Okay…”

 

⋅◈⋅

**16**

A small box fell into Sicheng’s hands.

“Open it,” Taeil said.

Sicheng did, and he found a silver bracelet ornamented with a gold bead.

“Oh,” the omega uttered, his fingers brushing against the delicate metal. “It’s gorgeous.”

“So,” Taeil began. “Do you like it?”

“I love it.”

The older one broke into a broad smile. “Will you wear it?”

“O-of course!”

The alpha took the bracelet and carefully attached it around Sicheng’s left wrist.

“I’m glad,” he said gently.

Sicheng chuckled. “I’m the one who should be glad. Thank you for your gift, I’ll cherish it.”

Taeil was beaming. “Can I… Can we meet tonight?”

“Tonight?” the omega echoed.

“There’s a meteor shower,” the Crown Prince said. “It’s going to illuminate the whole sky.”

“Oh,” Sicheng uttered.

For an instant, his mind went to Doyoung and their latest midnight escape to the telescope’s room.

“Will you come?” Taeil asked. “At the Highest Tower, at nine.”

“I’ll be there,” Sicheng said with a smile.

Taeil lingered, and Sicheng offered an inquiring look. After a second, the alpha carefully put a hand against the other’s cheek through the fragile layer of fabric.

“I hope you know how much this means to me,” he said almost reverently.

A dusting of red climbed on Sicheng’s neck.

“I’ll see you tonight.”

 

⋅◈⋅

“Taeil-hyung?” Sicheng called.

“Here!” a voice responded from behind a pillar.

Sicheng found his way to the alpha and settled besides him, legs crossed.

“Are you cold?” Taeil asked.

Sicheng felt alright, but he nonetheless nodded. Taeil lips curled up as he covered the omega’s shoulder with a blanket.

“Better?”

Sicheng nodded. “Thank you.”

They chatted like they always did, and after some time, sparkling lights started to soar through the heavens.

“Isn’t the view amazing from up here?” Taeil let out.

“It’s beautiful,” Sicheng replied.

“But I find you even more beautiful,” Taeil said, staring intently at the omega.

Sicheng laughed. “What are you…”

He trailed off when he felt his veil being pulled up, his words simply crumbling in his throat.

Taeil was smiling, still so warm, still so gentle.

His face was getting closer.

“I love you, Sicheng.”

Without thinking, Sicheng’s hands flew to the alpha’s chest.

“What are you saying?” he asked, a weight pressing on his lungs.

“I’m giving myself to you,” Taeil replied, obviously confused. “And you’ve already accepted my courtship.”

“I… When did I do that?”

“You took my bracelet,” the prince said with a slight frown. “My proposal gift.”

“But you- you don’t have my parent’s permission.”

Taeil hesitated. “They are out of reach,” he simply said.

The younger one couldn’t find anything to retort.

“Sicheng,” Taeil murmured. “I thought my intentions were clear.”

“I…”

”I love you. I’ve loved you for so long.”

Sicheng stared, and the alpha’s shoulders slowly sank.

“Do you not feel the same?”

“I like you,” Sicheng precipitately said. “I like you a lot.”

Taeil broke the eye contact. “I see.”

“I- I’m sorry, I… I didn’t mean to…”

A long silence.

“Enjoy the meteor shower, Sicheng.”

“Hyung, wait-”

“Don’t,” Taeil interrupted with force. “Please.”

Hurried steps.

 

⋅◈⋅

“Hyung,” Sicheng called as he stepped into a room he didn’t know.

It was foreign but filled with Doyoung’s familiar scent.

That was enough.

“Pardon?” a muffled voice replied. “Sicheng? Is that you?”

“Hyung,” the omega repeated, his chin trembling.

Doyoung stood from behind a pile of paperwork and odd objects. His face came alive when his eyes found Sicheng, but quickly transformed to an expression of alarm when he noticed his friend’s distress. In a heartbeat, he had closed the distance between them.

“You cried,” he noted frantically, a hand on Sicheng’s arm. “What happened? Did anyone hurt you?”

Sicheng shook his head. “N-no.”

“What’s wrong?” Doyoung spluttered.

“I…”

“Sicheng,” Doyoung said. “Talk to me.”

Taking in everything Doyoung was emitting - the waves of raw emotions - Sicheng felt a great tremor overtake him, and sobs began to tear through his chest. Arms pulled him close, and he felt breathing against his hair.

Everything smelled like Doyoung,

Everything felt like Doyoung.

For now,

That was enough.

 

⋅◈⋅

“There’s no blood left in my arm,” Doyoung said.

“Hmm,” Sicheng whined.

“Move.”

“Make me,” he replied.

And so, Doyoung violently pushed him away.

“Hyung!” he exclaimed with indignation.

“You asked for it!” the beta shot back.

Pause.

A chuckle escaped Sicheng’s lips.

“You know,” Doyoung said. “I have to be up in 5 hours to tend to the new manuscripts.”

“Is that so?” the omega said innocently.

Doyoung laughed. “It’s a wonder that no one has figured out what a brat you are.”

“I’m not,” Sicheng replied, lower lip protruding.

Doyoung watched him with a smile. “Sure, okay.”

Silence fell for a minute or two.

“I miss my parents,” Sicheng said in a whisper.

Doyoung shifted, now lying on his back. “When was their last letter?”

“For my birthday.”

 _Months ago_ , the omega thought.

“I’m sure they miss you too,” Doyoung said.

A long pause.

“They never cared about me much,” Sicheng said.

Doyoung didn’t answer.

“That’s why they sent me here,” he said. “As a token of good faith for the peace treaty.”

“Sicheng…”

An empty chuckle. “That’s how I first got interested in reading, you know.”

The beta glanced at him.

“I didn’t know anything,” Sicheng said. “Knowledge was locked away, like I would burn if I even tried to understand the world around me.”

His throat tightened.

“It was selfish,” he let out. “I know you thought I was some grand mind, but I’m not. I… I’m just some pathetic omega that can’t even think for himself.”

“That’s not true,” Doyoung protested.

Water spilled from the side of Sicheng’s eyes, rolling down to the pillow, and he didn’t bother trying to hide it.

“I’m a hostage, in the end,” he let out. “Everyone likes to pretend I’m one of them, but if war was to break again, I’d be nothing but a bargaining chip… And I don’t even know that my family cares for my well-being.”

“Don’t say that,” Doyoung let out in a small voice.

“They just sent me away, hyung. They never cared.”

He nuzzled a bit closer.

“I feel so lost,” the omega confessed.  

“That’s understandable,” Doyoung replied after a second. "It’s not something you can simply move past, is it?”

A low hum.

“We’ll make sense of everything,” Doyoung said, a hand mindlessly patting Sicheng's hair. “And I’ll be there for you as long as you need me. I promise.”

 

⋅◈⋅⋅◈⋅

**A Yellow Carnation**

**17**

“You look particularly lovely today, hyung,” Mark Lee said with a smirk.

Sicheng clicked his tongue. “It’s improper for a noble alpha to be so straightforward.”

Mark clung to his arm with puppy eyes. “You’re so cute, I can’t help it!”

The omega leaned into the younger boy’s hair. “Is this about a certain sunkissed omega that happens to be sitting at the back of the room, Alpha?”

“I- I, uh- That’s…” Mark blurted a bit too loudly. “That’s not how it is.”

Sicheng offered a knowing smile. “So you wouldn’t mind if I called Donghyuck here...”

A hand flew to his mouth, his veil tangling with his lips.

“Please don’t,” Mark whispered fiercely.

Sicheng couldn’t help but laugh.

“Hey!” Mark said. “Jaehyun-hyung is coming over.”

The omega’s heart skipped a beat, and he instantly straightened, searching for the unique honey scent that followed Jaehyun everywhere.

He didn’t find it.

“You’re lying,” he said, glaring at Mark.

The young alpha grinned.

 

⋅◈⋅

Heats affected people differently according to factors that had yet to be pinpointed. For Dong Sicheng, a heat was akin to a drunken state, and he was generally graced by painful stabs in his stomach. Of course, for the three or four days his heat lasted every few months, he was to stay in his room; the palace would be in a state of utter chaos if an omega was to waltz around, their scent thoroughly intoxicating.

Sicheng appreciated the care he was given when he resurfaced, alphas feeling protective of him, omegas offering comfort gifts such as homemade food. It made the process of the heat more bearable, in a way.

Still, he longed for someone to be at his side.

For the soothing of the pain.

The companionship.

The love.  

 

⋅◈⋅

During dinner, something made Jaehyun laugh. It was deep, warm and sincere. Sicheng melted.

 

⋅◈⋅

There was a letter hidden under a tile in Sicheng’s room. He’d thought about a hundred ways of getting it to Jaehyun… Of a thousand ways things could unfold.

The only cure to Sicheng’s turmoil would be to take a leap of faith, to believe in his chances.

But there was something thrilling about the vastness of the possible futures.

And something terrifying in the prospect of losing them all.

 

⋅◈⋅

“You’ve been consistently seeking the young prince’s company,” Doyoung commented.

“We’re good friends,” Sicheng said.

Doyoung’s gaze didn’t falter. “Right…”

The omega sighed. “I know what you think.”

Eyes sparkling with interest. “Do tell me about my own thoughts.”

A snort. “You think that I’m bowing to a fate that’s painfully obvious.”

Silence.

“That’s a harsh assessment,” the beta declared.

Sicheng tilted his head. “Is it not truthful?”

Doyoung considered the question for a moment.

“Jaehyun has been oozing with pheromones lately,” he finally said.

“Then…” Sicheng said flatly. “You’re suggesting that I’m but a victim of biological imperatives.”

They stared at one another.

“I’m not sure, Sicheng,” the beta admitted. “I don’t react to scents and hormones the way you do. My understanding is limited.”

The omega snickered. “Yet you’re quick to judge.”

“It just seems sudden,” Doyoung defended himself. “How out of the blue, you…”

“It’s not hard to fall for him,” Sicheng said simply.

“I suppose not…” A pause. “In all honesty, I think he’d suit you.”

Sicheng blinked.

A smile slowly bloomed.

Sicheng averted his eyes as he felt his cheeks heating up. “Do you think he noticed?”

A laugh. “I think he may be the only one who has _not_ noticed.”

“He’s been even more aloof than usual,” the younger one said with a chuckle. “It’s endearing.”

“Oh dear,” Doyoung sighed.

“You’re the one who brought the subject up!” Sicheng exclaimed.

“Am I?” the other let out. “Well, I think I’d rather talk about science. Or anything, really.”

“Your disinterest is baffling,” Sicheng said with a feigned air of gravity.

“I’m quite interested in you,” Doyoung retorted. “That doesn’t mean I’m inclined to react positively to finding doodles of Jaehyun’s name surrounded by flowers on your homework.”

The omega stiffened.

“Don’t worry,” Doyoung said with a smirk. “Your secrets are safe with me.”

 

⋅◈⋅

**18**

On that day, Sicheng had put great care in his appearance. He was wearing his tightest and most intricate corset. The veil Jaehyun had once complimented flowed around his shoulders, and he had rubbed a bit of vanilla extract onto his neck.

It was late into the summer... The day Jaehyun disappeared.

Waves of panic drowned everyone in the palace - in the city. Eventually, in the middle of the chaos, they found a letter. Sicheng heard it was lengthy; that it was stained with tears. He never got to see it.

“The young prince eloped with a kitchen boy,” were the words that came to him in hushed murmurs.

And that was it.

Jaehyun was gone.

It had never been for him, Sicheng thought. The sunny, bashful smiles. The overwhelming, profound happiness that had come in waves and had struck Sicheng like bolts of lighting, pulling him in, seeping into his every thought.

It had never been his.

 

⋅◈⋅

“I wasn’t enough,” he articulated.

“It doesn’t work like that,” Doyoung replied.

“I’m not enough for anyone, am I?”

“You’re more than enough.”

“Of course you’d say that,” the omega retorted in a breathy voice, a pressure building behind his eyes.

“Because it’s true.”

“I don’t think you can understand,” Sicheng said.

A long silence.

“Maybe I can’t.”

Sicheng shut his eyes, tired,

Heartbroken.

“I’m in love with him, hyung.”

He heard Doyoung shift.

“I know.”

“It hurts,” he said.

He felt the blanket dropping on his chest.

“It’s temporary,” Doyoung’s voice came back. “You should try to sleep…”

“I don’t want to.”

“It’s late.”

The omega found himself humming halfheartedly.

“Sleep well, Sichengie.”

 

⋅◈⋅⋅◈⋅

**A Bed of Daffodils**

**20**

Sicheng watched Renjun paint with a serene smile.

“You’re stressing me out,” the young alpha complained.

“Sorry,” Sicheng said, laughing. “But your work is so lovely that I find it hard to look away.”

Renjun mumbled something under his breath.

“Whatever you say, I know you love me,” Sicheng said playfully.

The younger one grunted, turning away from the omega.

“I’m happy you’re here,” Sicheng continued lively. “You know that, don’t you?”

“You tell me everytime we see each other…”

“I missed you,” Sicheng said. “And I want to make up for all those years we were apart.”

Pause.

“I missed you too,” Renjun confessed quietly. “Home was never the same without you...”

 

⋅◈⋅

“How is Renjun handling your constant nagging?” Sicheng questioned.

He was sitting by the window of Doyoung’s room, the best spot for the afternoon’s light, a heavy textbook in his lap.

“My _tutoring_...” Doyoung said. “Is quite efficient, as you may know.”

A small sigh. “I wish I could be the one to teach him.”

Doyoung glanced at the omega. “You could.”

Sicheng offered a sad smile. “You know I can’t.”

The older one pinched his lips and made as if to speak.

Silence stretched.

“He’s clever,” Doyoung said eventually. “I doubt he does any of the readings I assign him, but he’s quick-witted and has a lot of potential.”

A chuckle. “I wouldn’t expect any less.”

Doyoung seemed thoughtful, spinning a pen in his hand. “By the end of his stay, he should at least have a good foundation in the liberal arts.”

A hesitation.

“Have you asked him about your parents?” Doyoung inquired. “Or-”

“No,” Sicheng said. “Neither of us wanted to delve into such subject..”

“...I see.”

They stopped speaking, slowly immersing themselves in their respective tasks. Sicheng’s interest for the war that had turned his life around had led him to nurture a deep interest for political sciences. Although that field wasn’t Doyoung's specialty, the beta would always help him acquire new study material. Since Doyoung had obtained a promotion as the Head Librarian’s right hand, it was even easier for him to find rare manuscripts and writings.

It had been some time since Doyoung had lost his role as a tutor, Sicheng becoming his equal on many fronts. At this point, they harbored curiosity for vastly different subjects, but they continued studying side by side.

They were used to each other.

And Doyoung...

He was source of calm,

Of clarity.

And everytime Sicheng stumbled,

Everytime he fell,

Doyoung would be there.

 

⋅◈⋅

“Renjun,” Sicheng sighed. “I’d give you all the time in the world, but Yuta-hyung is coming soon, and I need to prepare.”

“It’s the third time you meet him this week,” Renjun grumbled. “Am I nothing to you?”

Sicheng snickered. “I know Donghyuck has not been the best of company since he mated with Mark-”

“That’s a huge euphemism,” the alpha said pettily.

“-but he’s a good friend of yours.”

“Just because we’re the same age doesn’t mean we’re close.”

“You get along well,” Sicheng objected.

“Maybe _before_ ,” Renjun said. “But since his mating, he’s been dripping with pheromones, and he won’t stop babbling about Mark-hyung.”

Sicheng clicked his tongue. “Let the poor boy be in love.”

Renjun pouted.

“Will you let me tend to myself, now?” Sicheng asked with hope.

Renjun ignored him. “Why do you smell so odd, by the way?”

He glared. “Yuta-hyung loves roses.”

“So what, you threw yourself in a bath of rose petals?”

“...”

“Hyung,” Renjun uttered, baffled. “You-”

“He really likes the scent of roses,” Sicheng mumbled.

The alpha laughed.

“You must really like him.”

A pause.

“I do,” Sicheng said gently.

 

⋅◈⋅

Omegas were usually fully grown by 19 or 20, which also meant that they had reached the heights of their biologically induced pain. Sicheng’s last two heats had been particularly brutal, his body urging him to find a mate, communicating through violent cramps that numbed his entire self.

Everyone around him was falling into the life of settled mates. Jaehyun had left long ago; Taeil had mated two years prior; Mark was head over heels for Donghyuck...  Even Renjun was betrothed back at home.

Sicheng’s impatience grew by the day.

 

⋅◈⋅

“Sunrise or sunset?” Yuta asked.

His head was resting on the omega’s lap.

“Sunset,” Sicheng said after a second.  

“Likewise,” Yuta replied, and he smiled fondly, as if every word from Sicheng’s mouth was the most enchanting of melodies.

The alpha had begun courting him a month into winter, bringing along his proposal gift a promise of tender love and of everything an alpha could offer. Yuta was kind, bright, from a good family...

Yuta was everything Sicheng could ask for.

 

⋅◈⋅

“Your room smells different,” Sicheng remarked.

“I had a friend over,” Doyoung replied.

“A friend?” Sicheng exclaimed, taken aback. “You never have friends over.”

A shrug. “Well, I did.”

“Anyone I know?” Sicheng inquired with interest.

“I would be surprised,” the beta told him. “I met him at the fair.”

Doyoung’s life outside of the palace had always been something vague and intangible. Sicheng was at loss to picture the scene. Still, watching pink spreading on Doyoung’s cheeks make the omega feel… protective.

“Is he kind?”

“...yes.”

“Intelligent?”

“He is.”

A pause.

“Is it serious?”

Doyoung looked away. “I’m not sure.”

The beta hesitated.

“I…” he began . “I feel butterflies when I’m with him.”

That was great news, Sicheng thought.

Doyoung deserved to be happy.

Doyoung deserved the stars and so much more.

“That’s wonderful,” the omega said. “I’m happy for you.”

From the corner of his eye, he saw Doyoung break into a smile.

 

⋅◈⋅

“I’d give you the entire world,” Yuta whispered into Sicheng’s ear, his veil tossed to the side.

“Just you,” he replied in a murmur. “I only want you.”

He felt a grin blossom on the alpha’s face.

 

⋅◈⋅

“I miss you already,” Sicheng said, his grip tight on Renjun’s shirt as he held the alpha against him.

“I can’t breathe,” a muffled voice came.

“You’ll have plenty of time to breathe back there,” Sicheng retorted.

“Hyung-”

After taking a tremulous breath, Sicheng let go.

“Heavens, hyung,” Renjun muttered.

Sicheng studied his adorable dongsaeng, focussing intently on not letting his tears well up.

“You’re not allowed to grow taller than me,” he said in a low voice.

Renjun looked away. “I don’t have much control over that…”

“Be good, won’t you?” Sicheng asked.

A pause.

“I will,” Renjun said. “And I’ll be back. I’ll find a way, I promise.”

Feeling like he would break down soon, Sicheng kissed Renjun’s forehead and bid his final goodbye. He knew that as intelligent as the young alpha was, it would surely be a few years before he could make it happen.

As he walked back to his chambers, a homesickness that he hadn’t felt in a long time overtook him. He was lost in thoughts until a familiar scent caught his attention. _Doyoung_ , his mind instantly supplied, and, mechanically, he gravitated towards the beta.

Something felt off, and it took a moment before Sicheng could identify the incongruity as a high dose pheromones in the air. He didn’t think much of it until he marched onto Doyoung pressed to a wall, another body on his. Sicheng’s eyes were fixed on the silver haired individual that was kissing Doyoung’s neck, enticing sounds he had never heard from the beta’s mouth.

“ _I’m not supposed to see this_ ,” he thought, and he found himself stumbling away.

 

⋅◈⋅

_What was that?_

_Why do I feel like this?_

_I always thought…_

_I never thought..._

_I never knew._

 

⋅◈⋅

After Renjun had left, Sicheng isolated himself in his room for an entire day, and for the first time since he was eleven, he felt truly and utterly lost.

 

⋅◈⋅

Sicheng had buried himself in the nest he had made with Yuta’s old clothes, lying with his knees pulled to his chest, tears stinging his eyes. As intended, the alpha’s scent made the pain more bearable, but Sicheng was inexplicably short of breath, and something was slowly burning him from the inside out.

Fighting his trembling legs, the omega pulled himself up, an almost primitive instinct fueling his limbs. Somewhere, his consciousness was in panic, crying that he was not to leave his room.

He did,

Dragging himself through the halls,

His feet walking a path that was imprinted on his very core,

To a door he knew too well.

“Hyung,” he called.

Doyoung was asleep, so as he’d done a thousand times, Sicheng invited himself on the other’s bed.

“Hm?” the omega heard as he buried his nose in the crook of Doyoung’s neck, and the lump in his throat melted away.

“Sicheng?” Doyoung let out, startled. “What…”

Sicheng climbed on top of him, desperate for more contact.  

“What are you doing?” Doyoung exclaimed in horror, pushing the other back.

“Hyung,” he sobbed. “I need you.”

“What are you saying?” Doyoung breathed.

“You can’t leave me,” the omega said in a plea. “Not you.”

“Sicheng-”

“You’re mine, aren’t you?”

Doyoung had sat up, now tightly holding Sicheng by the shoulders, and the omega’s pheromones were asphyxiating despite the distance he had managed to create.

“You’re in heat,” he said flatly.

“Take me,” Sicheng said, voice brittle. “Take everything.”

“Stop,” was Doyoung’s reply.

Something broke inside Sicheng.

“Where’s Yuta-hyung?” Doyoung asked.

Sicheng shook his head. “You always said I was enough,” he murmured.

Doyoung’s grip softened ever so slightly.

“I…” the omega began. “It’s supposed to be me. The one by your side… It has to be me.”

Doyoung searched his eyes, a profound sadness painting itself on his face.

“I can sense your body reacting,” Sicheng let out.

“Stop.”

“You want me, don’t you?”

“You’re not in your right mind.”

“Hyung,” Sicheng panted, trying to escape the beta’s grip.

Suddenly, he found himself pinned against the mattress, and he tilted his chin upwards in an attempt to reach the other.  

“Sicheng,” Doyoung articulated sternly. “This is biological. This means nothing.”

“No, w-we...”

“I don’t want this,” Doyoung said. “Do you understand?”

Sicheng made as if to speak, but found no reply.

“Do you understand?” Doyoung repeated.

A tear rolled down Sicheng face, and Doyoung studied him with a terrible watchfulness.

“I’ll leave you this room,” he said. “You have to remain here until your heat passes.”

“Stay with me,” the omega whispered.

“No,” Doyoung replied. “You’re not acting rationally right now. It’s not safe.”

“It’s always safe with you,” Sicheng said weakly.

A pause.

“You need rest,” Doyoung said. “Stay here, will you?”

“I-”

“Do it for me,” the beta begged. “Please.”

“Hyung…” Sicheng let out again.

“Sleep,” Doyoung demanded, slowly letting go of the younger’s wrists. “Okay?”

Sicheng didn’t react.

Carefully, Doyoung gathered himself up and stepped away.

Sicheng watched,

The beta glanced back,

Solemn,

And just like that,

Doyoung left.

 

⋅◈⋅⋅◈⋅

**A White Lily**

It had been a week.

Sicheng was falling.

There was nothing to hinder his descend.

 

⋅◈⋅

Donghyuck was the only one Sicheng allowed near him. The bonding between omegas was innate, and it was easier to feel at ease with someone who saw the world the way he did. The younger boy had invited Sicheng in his nesting area - something rare - which was made entirely of things that smelled like Mark. It the physical manifestation of Donghyuck’s relationship, and something about being surrounded by such a pure love made Sicheng feel better.

“I can feel your sadness, you know,” Donghyuck said, nuzzled in Sicheng’s arms. “Even if you won’t talk about it.”

“Hmm.”

“Why won’t you tell me?”

A pause.

“Because I’m unsure of everything,” Sicheng admitted.

Donghyuck put his chin on the other’s chest, forcing him to meet his gaze.

“Is it about Yuta-hyung?”

Sicheng shook his head.

“His courtship seemed to be going well,” Donghyuck commented.

“It did,” Sicheng said. “It… does.”

“Are you trying to pull the ‘it’s not about you, it’s about me’ card?” Donghyuck asked with a chuckle.

Sicheng offered a small smile. “It’s complicated.”

Donghyuck pouted. “You’ll tell me later?”

“Sure,” Sicheng let out.

Donghyuck poked his side. “Don’t you dare come back on your word.”

A laugh.

The first one in a long time.

 

⋅◈⋅

It wasn’t like Taeil… A game, simple and innocent.

Or like Jaehyun. A first love, intense yet ephemeral.

It wasn’t like Yuta either. A given. Where the stars aligned.

It was Doyoung.

It was comforting and raw and natural.

So natural, in fact, that he had never paid attention to it.

Like breathing.

Doyoung was like breathing.

But Doyoung wasn’t love.

Not in a romantic way.

He was a beta.

Beta were to be with betas.

Omegas were to be with alphas.

That’s how things had always been.

That’s how things were supposed to be.

 

⋅◈⋅

“Hi,” Doyoung said softly, standing in Sicheng’s door.

“I’m sorry,” came Sicheng’s answer.

“We don’t have to talk about it,” Doyoung said.

Sicheng blinked. “I…”

“It didn’t mean anything,” Doyoung continued. “I know that.”

A long pause.

Sicheng nodded, but the motion was so subtle that it lost its meaning.

“What have you been reading?” the beta asked, trying to fall back into their usual rhythm.

“Comparative politics,” Sicheng answered without thinking.

“Tell me about it?” Doyoung said with an unnatural smile.

Sicheng stared.

“I’m... a bit tired.”

“Of course,” Doyoung let out. “We… We can discuss it further next time?”

“Sure,” the omega said after a moment.

Doyoung appeared to relax. “You know where to find me.”

“I do.”

A deep breath. “See you soon?”

Sicheng swallowed the malaise that kept nagging at him.

“Yes,” he said, steadying his voice as best he could. “I’ll be there.”

 

⋅◈⋅

“You’re perfect,” Sicheng said quietly.

Yuta chuckled. “I am?”

“You’re everything I ever wanted,” the omega replied indolently.

Yuta laced their fingers.

“You asked to take things slow, yet you torture me with sweet words,” he said, nose scrunched up. “You’re cruel, love.”

The alpha pecked his lips, and Sicheng let him.

It was dawning on him,

That it tasted bitter,

Yuta’s kisses,

His love

Everything he was,

And everything they could be.

 

⋅◈⋅

Like he had done a lifetime ago, Sicheng wrote a letter. He needed an escape from the storm inside of him, and, if actually faced with Doyoung, he was afraid emotions would render him incoherent.

So, he wrote a letter,

In which every word weighted the world.

 _It meant something_ , it said.

 _I think I love you_ , it said.

A leap of faith...

But he would trust Doyoung with his life.

And now, he’d trust him with his heart.

 

⋅◈⋅

The door banged against the wall as Doyoung barged in.

“Hyung-”

“Do you know what you’ve done?” Doyoung growled.

Sicheng froze.

“How could you leave that _thing_ in my room?”

“Wh-what?”

“Your damned message!” Doyoung exclaimed. “Are you that self-absorbed? Do you realize that my life is not centered around you?”

“H-”

“And to leave it there! For Jungwoo to find!”

Blood left Sicheng’s face. “I didn’t think...”

“ _Exactly_ !” Doyoung spat. “You _didn’t think_ . You don’t think about anyone but yourself. You take your burdens and force them down my throat, again and again and _again_ \- And you don’t love me, heavens forbid. You just want to make sure I’m always at your disposition, don’t you?”

_A stab._

“Are you happy?” the beta asked, and his distress was overwhelming, so unlike himself. “Jungwoo’s always been leery of you, and I… I always assured that we were nothing but friends. He can’t handle it. That was too much”

_Deeper._

“I always took care of you,” Doyoung said, face twisted. “I hid… I hid everything, I wanted to protect you.”

_It stung._

“You don’t love me, Sicheng.”

_It hurt._

“It’s all about you,” Doyoung let out. “It’s always about you.”

_It burned._

“I can’t do it anymore.”

Doyoung stumbled back,

Drained, empty.

Sicheng could only watch,

As he left.

The Earth stopped turning.

 

⋅◈⋅

“You can’t starve yourself,” Donghyuck said, from behind Sicheng’s door.

_What does it matter._

“I don’t want you to be alone,” the young omega said. “Please, let me in.”

No reply.

Donghyuck tried over and over. He exhausted his pleas and his shouts and himself.

Silence fell, and Sicheng felt a bit better.

(A bit worse.)

The sun sank, somewhere far away.

“Sicheng,” came Taeil’s voice. “It’s me.”

But Sicheng didn’t care. Alpha, Crown Prince… What did any of it mean?

“We’re here for you,” Taeil said.

_Were they? Was anyone?_

His door was eventually knocked down.

He was forced to eat,

To bathe,

To worry about all those things,

That meant nothing, really.

 

⋅◈⋅

He heard Doyoung had disappeared to a small town, searching for an elderly scholar who, rumors had it, owned many rare items.

 

⋅◈⋅

Whether it was Donghyuck, Taeil or even Mark, there was always someone by Sicheng’s side.

“I don’t want you to suffer,” Taeil had said.

How helpful.

“We’ll take care of you,” Taeil had told him. “You’ll get better.”

And an alpha’s will was almighty.

Did Sicheng have a choice?

 

⋅◈⋅

Doyoung knew better.

He was brilliant.

He was strong.

He was a star Sicheng had longed to reach.

And Sicheng wondered…

What it meant for him.

For them.

Had his affection been misguided for all those years?

The love that had grown within him,

A result of time,

Of admiration,

Of sincerity.

Doyoung had done so much.

And Sicheng…

What had Sicheng done?

He was petrified,

Of what he might find,

If he thought about it for too long.

 

⋅◈⋅

Sicheng found himself idly sitting by Taeil as the older man had dinner with a foreigner named Kun.

Taeil kept glancing at him to make sure he ate as the other man spoke.

“The Eastern kingdom would like to add a tax on the imports from your nation,” Kun said.

Taeil frowned. “The last trade negotiations took place but a few months ago. I believed things were in order.”

“His Majesty has reconsidered.”

Taeil held in a sigh. “May I ask for details? I’m convinced the king has good reasons to go back on our agreement, but information is necessary for my understanding.”

“It’s not in my power to disclose such knowledge, sire.”

The conversation carried on for nearly an hour, but Kun appeared to be a loyal and efficient diplomat, never saying anything of which Taeil could make use.

“That went on for longer than expected,” the crown prince told Sicheng with an apologetic smile.

“It was interesting to see things first hand,” the omega replied, his mind running frantically, analyzing and classifying the colossal amount of data he had just gathered.

“First hand?” Taeil echoed.

“You heard about the sickness that overtook the East, haven’t you?” Sicheng asked, too lost in thoughts to consider the alpha’s question.

“I did, but-”

“They’ve tried to hide it, but it contaminated a lot of young adults. Hence, an important part of the workforce was decimated,” he explained, frowning in concentration. “And with their population’s average age being quite high in the first place, the local economy is probably being affected already.”

Taeil stared at him, lips parted, but he was too surprised to speak.

“At least, that’s what I heard,” Sicheng let out, his face burning as he realized how bold he was acting.

“How do you know all of that?”

A wave a panic.

“I- I was listening to… some betas at the- at dinner, and-”

“Sicheng,” Taeil said softly. “Calm down, it’s okay.”

The omega fell silent.

“Who told you?” Taeil asked. “I think it’s impressive that you remembered all of it. Is it someone from the palace? Could I talk to them?”

“I…”

A pause.

“Would it happen to be Doyoung?” Taeil inquired with reluctance.

“No,” Sichend replied immediately.

“Then, who?”

“It’s not… It’s not that I- that-”

“Hey, don’t be nervous,” Taeil said in a tone that was meant to be soothing. “I think it’s good that you’re taking interest in the kingdom’s affairs.”

Sicheng looked up.

“One of my closest advisors has fallen very ill,” Taeil said. “I haven’t had the time to search for a replacement, but whoever has been talking to you seems to have good sources. It’d be lovely if you could introduce us.”

Sicheng hesitated, feeling the eyes of all his ancestors on him. 

“It’s… me.”

“You?” Taeil let out, puzzled.

A pause.

“I’ve been studying.”

Realization striking.

“You mean that…” Taeil let out. “That just on your own you… Learned all of that?”

“From reading,” Sicheng said sheepishly. “I’ve talked to a couple of the betas and alphas from the Royal Library too. And, well, I’ve been corresponding with some people from overseas.”

Taeil’s couldn’t seem to fully process Sicheng’s words.

“I didn’t exactly mean for it to happen,” the omega blurted. “I enjoy it and it’s just there, and I- I didn’t plan it to go this far, it just… It happened.”

“I’m…” Taeil began, and Sicheng’s guts were churning. “I’m surprised, that’s all.”

“Oh,” Sicheng uttered, unsure of the other’s thoughts.

A long silence.

“Would you like to accompany me more often?” Taeil proposed.

Sicheng’s heart was still beating far too loudly. “Pardon?”

“To these kinds of meetings,” Taeil said. “I think it could serve both of us.”

A line was being washed away.

“I’d love that,” Sicheng heard himself say.

 

⋅◈⋅

“If you had come when I was a bit younger,” Sicheng let out. “I think it would have worked.”

The alpha looked down, a sad smile on his lips. “At last, love, you’re still cruel.”

“You deserve more than what I can give you,” Sicheng said, carefully pulling away.

“I would have taken it,” Yuta murmured. “Any droplet of love you could’ve given me.”

Sicheng shook his head. “There’s someone out there,” he said gently. “Who will return everything you give them. Who will be yours and only yours.”

Yuta eyes were still on his feet. “What about you? Were you ever mine?”

“I...” came Sicheng’s voice. “I think I was.”

Yuta smiled one last time, and it was warm,

And sweet.

It was beautiful.

 

⋅◈⋅⋅◈⋅

**A Snowdrop Bud**

**21**

“He was brilliant,” said a beta to his seatmate. “Was he not?”

“His voice was oddly soft?” she replied. “But I found myself unable to focus on anything but him. Do you know who he is?”

“I’ve never seen him in the Council before,” the beta said

“That’s strange,” his friend declared. “He’s a newcomer, then?”

“I believe so…”

A pause.

“Have you heard the rumors?” the woman questioned. “The ones about an omega stepping up and… I’m not even sure.”

“They don’t make any sense,” the beta said.

She slowly nodded.

“You’re probably right.”

 

⋅◈⋅

A committee was being discharged to Sicheng’s hometown. Taeil had insisted that he did not have to participate if he felt uncomfortable, but the omega pushed through. A part of him thought irresistible the idea of his parents seeing him stand amongst a delegation of powerful alphas and betas, serving the Crown Prince himself. He couldn’t explain the feeling, but it was ardent, like a fire in the pit of his stomach. Besides, there was Renjun back there, and that alone was a good enough reason to go.

“You’re really going?” Donghyuck asked, peeking around Sicheng’s suitcase.

“Did you think I’d change my mind?” the older omega shot back.

A short pause.

“It’s just…” Donghyuck said. “You haven’t said goodbye to him yet.”

A strange immobility overtook Sicheng.

“I don’t know where he is,” he said, almost in a whisper. “Or whether he wants to see me.”

Donghyuck plumped into his hyung’s bed. “What if he does?”

“I have to leave tomorrow,” Sicheng said. “It’s too late for that.”

The younger one observed him moving around his room, delicately folding clothes, choosing a few books from the library hidden inside his closet - hiding his books was too ingrained within him, even now that everything had come into light.

“We don’t know how long you’ll be gone,” Donghyuck said in a small voice. “Wouldn’t you like to see him before?”

“It doesn’t matter,” Sicheng replied mechanically.

“Wouldn't you?” Donghyuck persisted.

A second passed.

“Yes,” Sicheng sighed, and he turned to Donghyuck. “What does it change?”

“Would you see him if you could?” the other asked.

Sicheng felt dizzy. “D-do you now where he is?”

“A friend of Mark’s saw him yesterday,” Donghyuck confessed, studying Sicheng’s reactions with worry.

Sicheng found that he was short of breath,

And he remembered suddenly,

How much,

Just how much,

He missed Kim Doyoung.

 

⋅◈⋅

After breaking things off with Yuta, Sicheng had found himself alone in a way he had not been in a long, long time.

Yet, under the broken pieces, he found his heart anew… It wasn’t whole - not yet - but it was his.

His to keep,

His to fill,

With care and pride and wonder.

What a strange freedom that was. 

 

⋅◈⋅

He was there.

Sicheng was afraid he had forgotten,

Doyoung’s face,

His mannerisms.

But as he watched the beta sitting behind the small bookshop’s counter, reading a thin book,

He realized that still,

Somehow,

Though everything was different,

It was the same.

The omega looked around, noticing a couple and their son in the far corner of the store. In the heavy silence, his steps made him drift towards his dearest friend.

“I can leave,” was the first thing Sicheng said. “I didn’t know if...”

Even before he could finish, Doyoung was throwing his arms around him.

“Sicheng-ah,” he breathed, embracing him tightly, almost clawing at his shirt. “Y-you’re here.”

“Hi, hyung,” Sicheng said, voice brittle, and he had forgotten the hundred things he had to tell the beta.

“I was horrible,” Doyoung said against his hair. “I’m sorry, I- I can’t imagine how much I hurt you. I didn’t mean it- I…”

“It’s my fault,” Sicheng protested. “I wasn’t fair to you.”

“Forget about it,” Doyoung said like a plea. “Forget everything I said.”

The omega carefully dislodged himself from the hug, searching for Doyoung’s eyes.

“I can’t,” Sicheng said, and water was gathering in the beta’s eyes. “I don’t want to.”

“I thought you’d never want to see me again,” Doyoung let out.

A chuckle escaped Sicheng’s lips. "I never knew how.. dramatic you were.”

Doyoung looked deeply insulted. “How can you be so calm?”

A pause.

And Doyoung’s scent,

Doyoung’s touch,

They were all so familiar.

“I don’t think I know how to be angry at you,” Sicheng said quietly.

A tear rolled down Doyoung’s cheek.

“You’re an idiot.”

The omega’s lips curved up.

“I missed you too.”

 

⋅◈⋅

The tea was a bit too hot, but that was the least of Sicheng’s worries.

“You should have told me,” Sicheng said gently. “I would’ve understood. Or tried to, at least.”

Doyoung was gazing into his teacup.

“I liked being relied on,” he replied. “I felt useful… Like I mattered.”

Sicheng’s shoulders sank. “You matter,” he said. “So much.”

“To you, maybe.”

Sicheng stared.

“And I enjoyed that,” Doyoung said. “Mattering to you.”

A hesitation.

“But with time,” Doyoung let out. “I realized that, in your eyes, I was only a beta… And I thought that, maybe, you didn’t care about me that deeply.”

“That’s not true,” Sicheng said.

A sad smile. “Is it not?”

Sicheng felt a blush painting his face with shame.

“I took you for granted,” he admitted in a low voice. “But you were the single constant in my life. You’ve always been.”

Doyoung looked up. “What does that mean?”

“I… I’m not sure.”

They remained silent for a moment, both overly aware of all the things they had to discuss, to confess…

“When are you leaving?” Doyoung asked slowly.

“Tonight.”

The beta nodded weakly. “I see.”

Sicheng glanced at the window, and his chest tightened when he noticed how dark the sky was.

“I’ll be back in two months, if things go well,” he said.

“And if they don’t?” Doyoung asked, and by the way he shifted, Sicheng could tell that whatever he replied, he’d be met with chagrin.

“Five or six months,” he said reluctantly. “Maybe more.”

A deep breath.

“Are you returning to the Royal Library?” Sicheng inquired.

“I... I prefer it here,” Doyoung said, scanning the bookshop, its wooden walls and chaotic order.

A smile tugged at Sicheng’s lips as his mind conjured an image of Doyoung studying amongst the piles of books, whenever he wanted, however he saw fit.

It was perfect.

“Then, I’ll know how to find you when I come back,” he said.

Their eyes met.

“I’ll put my best material on hold for you,” Doyoung replied.

_I’ll be waiting._

“I'm thrilled to read it all.”

_I already long to see you again._

“Thanks, hyung." A smile. "For everything.”

 

⋅◈⋅⋅◈⋅

**12**

“Do you have a dream?” Doyoung asked.

“To fall in love,” Sicheng replied.

The other snorted.

“Is yours any better?” Sicheng retorted, glaring at the beta.

Doyoung’s face fell. “I don’t really have a dream…. I guess I just want to be happy.”

“Then, let’s be happy!” the boy exclaimed.

A chuckle. “It’s not that simple, Sichengie.”

“Aren’t you satisfied now?” Sicheng inquired, a spark in his eyes. “Studying with me, with nice food and loads of interesting books.”

A pause.

“I suppose I am.”

“Then let’s keep doing that,” Sicheng said with a wide grin. “And you’ll always be joyful!”

Doyoung laughed again,

And he decided that, yes, he could see it,

That future. 

It shone brightly. 

**Author's Note:**

> _C’est le temps que tu as perdu pour ta rose qui fait ta rose si importante._
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>  
> 
> If you've read my recent works, you'll know that I ADORE the omegaverse and its complexity. I really tried to do something interesting with the AU within my story, I hope it caught your interest ;; Also, I'm very character driven, so if you could take a minute to tell me your thoughts on my characters and their growth, it would mean the world, and I'm 10380% ready to reply with detailed commentary on anything that might interest you (the au, the charas, the symbolism...) (pls I spent so much time setting this up, I want to talk abt it ;;).
> 
> Thank you so much for reading! ♥
> 
> PS: Gods, I've never fought against odds that much dfghjkl. It wasn't supposed to be that angtsy, I just wanted my happy ending hhhhHHHHHH


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